remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
