Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
