I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
