a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
