Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize