WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
