If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
