Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
