Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
