I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
