It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
