she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
