He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
