i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
