remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
