You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
