Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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