Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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