On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
