Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
