Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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