just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
