Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize