So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Everything about him screamed your future.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
