I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
