Where did you get a picture of my penis
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
