drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
