I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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