Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
