It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
