well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We named our party play list daddy issues
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
