Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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