I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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