don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
