i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
