I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
