wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
