At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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