Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
