I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
