omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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