All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i believe in u and ur pee
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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