the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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