SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Drake has all the answers
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
