why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
