It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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