new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
