Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
