I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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