I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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