i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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