hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
