My first STD was from a foam party
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
