We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
