drinking out of a sandbucket again
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You are the jesus of drinking
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
