Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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