I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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