I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you win again, gameday.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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