It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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