He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
