I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
as a side note pls kill me
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