I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
