she looked like the before picture.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
