I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
