Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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