fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
