This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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