Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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