yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
